Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I wish

I wish I could stop pretending for a while that I'm ok.
I wish I could stop trying to beat the process, and allow it to heal my soul.
I wish I could find my essence and honor it with respect.
I wish I could admit that I'm not ok, and it hurts.
I wish I could let the world see my tears and let them know how much it hurts
I wish I could accept the love they gave me, instead of fearing betrayal
I wish I would give this soul a break and allow it to breath,
I wish I could allow myself not to fear being loved,
I wish I didn't feel so bitter all the time,

But above all, I wish I saw myself like the one who say they care see me,
I wish I could believe some of y'all and think that I'm amazing,
I wish I would stop inflicting myself so much pain.

All these wishes...
All this pain,
I just wish it could all disappear.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Empty

The words are missing. 
Too lazy to live and even to write about it. Isn't that something, 
Whatever used to drive me through it all seems to have disappear, 
No longer bothered by all the grades and the success that supposedly follows. 
What can I say? 


I simply seem to be at the verge
Verge, of giving up on all these superficial things that 
Just yesterday, I was so attached to. 


Isn't that sad? 
That I didn't think of the eventuality that one day, 
The tank of energy used for bullshit and disbelief would come to an end... 
Seems like I, in the mimic of Americans, 
I forgot to think of the future that always seems so far, 
But that always end up closer than we'd think. 

As Africa Met Rome...

     You know how they often say, it can't always be them. It must be you, after a while ... I mean I can't possibly be all bad ... I can't possibly be blamed for all of it.
     It's not fair, that I can't asked not to be judged for a moment, just for a second. It's not fair, its not fair at all, that everyone allows you to mess up continuously and then u come and point fingers at me, for forgetting a comma, when u couldn't even write the damn paragraph. 
     All these people always ready to judge you and to criticize you as if they could do better
as if they could even try. 
     Always here to remind you that u missed the last few steps, after successfully marching the 9995 ones before that, as they never even got up in the first place.


F*ck all of them, yes I'm fortunate, yes I get what I want, yes he treated me well, and told me he loved me, and waited for me, and saw I was worth it, 
F*ck u if u don't wanna see it, 
And f*ck u if u just wanna get back at me, 
F*ck u, if I'm not allowed to make mistakes, as if u were perfect! 
F*ck u, and f*ck u! 
And f*ck u harder!!! 

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Randomness keeps me smiling

Thoughts flying across my head can barely provide an explanation
To this volcano of emotions that makes me smile and cry all at once,
It's on saturdays like this, that sometimes I question my future...

I question my routine, my habits, and try to see why...
Why does it now come naturally for me to push people away,
Closely selecting men that are completely different from this
This path I seem to enjoy walking by every time, knowing that

Barefoot, and naked, just like my heart, I will get burned and
Get hurt again...as if I'm addicted to the pain, the deception...

It's on saturdays like this that I try to paint a future from my current
current trend of actions which don't seem to make sense, but seem
to have been engraved so deeply in me, I only realize them too late...

anyway... what's the story behind it...

No title for such misery

There's nothing happy about a broken heart.
Nothing happy about repeating the same mistake
Nothing happy about repeating the same tragedy...

Nothing appealing to any of these...
Absolutely nothing... but I keep doing it,
Repeating it... and... what can i say

well nothing really, since it's the same over...
And i will repeat the same mistake again...

So what difference does this text really makes,
Nothing except, instead of paper. I'm wasting
space... I guess it's a "green misery"....

Je ne sais pas.

So do i say I don't love you... to make it end.
Tell you I don't like you anymore to forget...
Cry alone to make sure it doesn't seem real...

Who is she, who's this girl they want so bad...
Why is she always day dreaming about a world so cold...

So distant... she is so distant,
Trust she has for no one...

Why am I questioning again... a person I
I know so well, yet not at all,

Some days

Some days i have talents,
Some days I'm that woman who loves,

Some days I'm that girl who dreams,
Every day I'm this complicated soul,
Every days I'm full of insecurities...
Some days more than others,

But every day i fight them, by
building a wall so thick, I'm scared of it,
scared, i'll stay trapped inside... or have i
already fallen to my own trap?

...

SCREAM OUT LOUD THAT YOU LOVE HIM!!!!!!!


NOW SPIN ON YOURSELF AND FORGET THAT THE WORLD EXISTS...
NOW OPEN YOUR EYES...
AND REALIZE THAT YOU ARE STILL
SITTIN AFRAID OF EXPRESSING
YOUR EMOTIONS... AND HE'S STILL WAITING

AND NOW IT'S TOO LATE....
AND YOU'RE ALONE... AGAIN...

YOU NOW KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO WALK IN MY SHOES....

SMILE

SMILE ... FOR ALL THE TIME THAT YOU CRIED...
SMILE FOR ALL THE TIME THAT IT HURT
SMILE FOR ALL THE PEOPLE THAT KILL YOU

SMILE FOR ALL THE JERKS THAT BROKE YOU INTO PIECES
SMILE FOR ALL THE ONES THAT THOUGHT YOU'D FAIL

SMILE FOR ALL THE ONES THAT THINK IT'S IN YOUR HEAD
SMILE FOR ALL THE TIMES YOU ALMOST GAVE UP

SMILE FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR INSECURITIES...

FINALLY SMILE FOR YOU, BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD
SOMETIMES TO HAVE NO REASON TO DO SO...

Miscellaneous

the sun will rise... the months will pass by... the season will cycle...
and nothing will matter if you decided to do nothing but let life pass you by

allow yourself to be as amazing as you can be... allow yourself not to care
allow yourself not to be bothered,
allow them to be right... and you to be wrong...
allow yourself to breath...
it's ok not to care... for real...

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