Monday, July 30, 2012

Are you living your dream?



It’s an odd question, because as far as I can remember,
I’ve never had a passion, Never had a dream,
Other than the wish to survive this rough road of mine,

As far as I can remember, the only dream I had was to be loved,
And accepted by the people who would love me enough to keep me,
As I grew older, my only worry was to make enough money to cover utilities

I remember dreaming about high school and college,
And thinking how would I afford going to college,
Not even daring to think how much would university cost,

But as far as I can remember, I knew that I wanted to go there,
Wanted to walk in that big building and learn about amazing “stuff”
I just knew that’s where I wanted to land, because education was my way out,

And I knew this at a very young age, although I couldn’t figure out the details,
I just knew…

As I grew older and life changed in ways I couldn’t believe,
I didn’t realize that “my dream” was materializing itself,


So today, when I think of it, what is my dream?
Do I even have one, have I ever dreamt of anything,
Well I am living it, I went to college, and figured it out,
And I’m about to graduate from University,

So am I living my dream? I sure am, and it’s better than I ever imagined

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The downfall of indepence


Life cannot be as complicated as we make it sound,
Little that you know, it is, and has no intention in changing,

The past will constantly remind you that avoiding it
Doesn’t solve anything but rather elongate the list of “laters”

Now that we have to think about it and what the future holds,
Your expectations need to be voiced and respected

Because to you, all of the sudden, they need to matter
Although the meaning of this is still distant, you just know

Actually, it is all a lie, I do not know anything, simply have a feel,
Feel for what the future holds me, a blur, rather than a picture

Everything used to always be so simple, so crystal clear,
Now that everything on my survival list have been met,

What am I left to run away from and manage and accomplish,
The future scares me, and so does this damn potential I have,

I don’t know what it holds, and it is uncertain,
The truth is I never thought I’d get this far,

Never thought I’d have to deal with this thing
Thing called future, and this other called success,

But here, I am, holding both and not knowing
What to do with any of them, nothing at all

So is this what success is supposed to feel like?
Empty and lonely, with no one to share it with? 

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I wish

I wish I could stop pretending for a while that I'm ok.
I wish I could stop trying to beat the process, and allow it to heal my soul.
I wish I could find my essence and honor it with respect.
I wish I could admit that I'm not ok, and it hurts.
I wish I could let the world see my tears and let them know how much it hurts
I wish I could accept the love they gave me, instead of fearing betrayal
I wish I would give this soul a break and allow it to breath,
I wish I could allow myself not to fear being loved,
I wish I didn't feel so bitter all the time,

But above all, I wish I saw myself like the one who say they care see me,
I wish I could believe some of y'all and think that I'm amazing,
I wish I would stop inflicting myself so much pain.

All these wishes...
All this pain,
I just wish it could all disappear.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Empty

The words are missing. 
Too lazy to live and even to write about it. Isn't that something, 
Whatever used to drive me through it all seems to have disappear, 
No longer bothered by all the grades and the success that supposedly follows. 
What can I say? 


I simply seem to be at the verge
Verge, of giving up on all these superficial things that 
Just yesterday, I was so attached to. 


Isn't that sad? 
That I didn't think of the eventuality that one day, 
The tank of energy used for bullshit and disbelief would come to an end... 
Seems like I, in the mimic of Americans, 
I forgot to think of the future that always seems so far, 
But that always end up closer than we'd think. 

As Africa Met Rome...

     You know how they often say, it can't always be them. It must be you, after a while ... I mean I can't possibly be all bad ... I can't possibly be blamed for all of it.
     It's not fair, that I can't asked not to be judged for a moment, just for a second. It's not fair, its not fair at all, that everyone allows you to mess up continuously and then u come and point fingers at me, for forgetting a comma, when u couldn't even write the damn paragraph. 
     All these people always ready to judge you and to criticize you as if they could do better
as if they could even try. 
     Always here to remind you that u missed the last few steps, after successfully marching the 9995 ones before that, as they never even got up in the first place.


F*ck all of them, yes I'm fortunate, yes I get what I want, yes he treated me well, and told me he loved me, and waited for me, and saw I was worth it, 
F*ck u if u don't wanna see it, 
And f*ck u if u just wanna get back at me, 
F*ck u, if I'm not allowed to make mistakes, as if u were perfect! 
F*ck u, and f*ck u! 
And f*ck u harder!!! 

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Randomness keeps me smiling

Thoughts flying across my head can barely provide an explanation
To this volcano of emotions that makes me smile and cry all at once,
It's on saturdays like this, that sometimes I question my future...

I question my routine, my habits, and try to see why...
Why does it now come naturally for me to push people away,
Closely selecting men that are completely different from this
This path I seem to enjoy walking by every time, knowing that

Barefoot, and naked, just like my heart, I will get burned and
Get hurt again...as if I'm addicted to the pain, the deception...

It's on saturdays like this that I try to paint a future from my current
current trend of actions which don't seem to make sense, but seem
to have been engraved so deeply in me, I only realize them too late...

anyway... what's the story behind it...

No title for such misery

There's nothing happy about a broken heart.
Nothing happy about repeating the same mistake
Nothing happy about repeating the same tragedy...

Nothing appealing to any of these...
Absolutely nothing... but I keep doing it,
Repeating it... and... what can i say

well nothing really, since it's the same over...
And i will repeat the same mistake again...

So what difference does this text really makes,
Nothing except, instead of paper. I'm wasting
space... I guess it's a "green misery"....

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